I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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