Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Rumble strips road head = magical
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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