Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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