Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
