So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
