He asked to "fluff my boner.."
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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