U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize