I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
