I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
