He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Randomize
