In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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