wake up i wanna do it froggy style
there's paper in my vomit.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
