when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize
