do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
