What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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