Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
