sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Randomize
