I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Randomize
