Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
