Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize