goodnight i made you a song goodbye
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
he's gonorrhea incarnate
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
