I am in a vortex of obligation.
I wish I only lived at night.
I think my fart just growled at me.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
