my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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