The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I can't put those talents on a resume
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
