tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
