I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Randomize
