Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
