No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
