I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
