Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
worst night to have a conscience
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
