he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
he's gonorrhea incarnate
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
