Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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