I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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