He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize