mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
