I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
