at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I deserve this hangover.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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