so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Randomize