The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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