i need an iv and a liver transplant
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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