Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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