Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize