You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize
