How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
