Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
