Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Randomize
