I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
you made out with another girl for some wings
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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