I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
