M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
whose parrot is this?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
