Buhtt sex?
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
