I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize