Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
