i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
