okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
