Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Randomize
