Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
