Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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