He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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