I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
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