he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
