My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
