my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Randomize