I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I am mentally ready for anal.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
