I'm gonna have a badass scar
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
