community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
