Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
