Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
