the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
The Olympian is in my bed
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
