Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
