So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
