and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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