those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Randomize
