I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
