Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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