I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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