So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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