It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
as a side note pls kill me
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
