I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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