this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
