I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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