I bet he comes in French.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
