I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
