Duck Duck Cougar?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
