Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
