The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
