Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
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