I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize