I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize
