Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
