U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
We are all done wearing pants today
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
