I am spending my child support on dildos
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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