Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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