This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
