im drinking this country out of the recession.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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