You smell like stripper and shame
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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