my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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