he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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