I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Randomize
