do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Quick, to the slutcave!
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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