Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I have aggressive nipples.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Randomize
