I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
