Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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