i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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